An Open Letter to a Racist Scottish Asshole: Joe Fernand

I know there's nothing I can say to make you understand how I feel because I've been doing that ever since we met and last night I learned that nothing had gotten through to you. Nothing at all. I think that's why I was so angry. But mostly angry at myself for trusting you and thinking you were "different." I thought you were just ignorant unexposed never having to confront issues of race and blackness and browness in the American context before. So I forgave and overlooked a lot of what you said before that struck me as slightly offensive. I saw it as the innocent ignorance of a white man from Scotland. But after last night I had to face the fact that there is nothing innocent about it and it's not ignorance but typical white male arrogance. You sounded so much like a white American man last night just with a Scottish accent. I was shocked saddened and then yes I got angry.


After all that I shared with you about what black people have been through (even at the hands of the Scottish which you claimed to understand as well) and continue to go through not because of religion or nationality but because of our race and color. You pretended to care about our struggle and understand racism and then last night it was like I was talking to a trump supporter. You can't claim to be appalled by trump and then deny your white male privilege. White male privilege is what got that monster elected. I thought you understood at least that.


Now I know why it took me so long to warm up to you. I didn't fully trust you and now I don't think I can ever trust another white man again. Not intimately. I'm just too afraid of ending up with a racist and Joe, racism comes in many forms. I don't expect you to understand or care what that means. Your white male privilege will always afford you the right to deny reality much like donald trump did to gain power.


You were sweet and treated me well. Thanks for your patience. I just wish it came with genuine understanding. Instead I felt deceived and offended by the attitude you have about racism and black people that you sprung on me last night. Maybe one day how a white man treats me will be more important to me than how he feels about and understands racism. But for now I just have too much self respect and racism as I see it is just too damn dangerous to ignore in any form.


I wish things could have been different. I wish I didn't have to walk away feeling this way about you. But I just can't ignore racism and although I can forgive ignorance I can't forgive arrogance.


I don't know if you choose to go to Brussels alone after all this morning but I'm glad I didn't go because I needed the sleep and I do need to take this holiday back for myself and from you (and donald trump) and to enjoy it to the fullest because unlike you I don't have the means to travel very often.